Finally time to think and breathe. I love Christmas time because it is a deep reminder of my Savior Jesus' birth, but...yep the but...it gets so busy and rushed. And yesterday I felt like the days were twirling into each other. I love being with family, and having my husband home for days with no work yet I miss routine very much too. It is funny to say that because I get bored of it too at times. However, at the very core of me, I definitely thrive on it too.
2014 started with mixed emotions. Excitement and determination as I set mini goals for health in January. And nervousness and sadness at the things that may come.
After the holiday treats that somehow were at my reach, I am ready to lose weight. It sounds like cliche, but it is what is. I have weight that is almost 2 years old. 9 lbs left over from when Sweet Pea was born, plus an additional 9 lbs on top of that, and weight from before the pregnancy. So 38 lbs just has to come off. When I take the time to pay attention, I just don't feel good. And with the knowledge of knowing I have PCOS, weight loss is the one vital thing I can do for my hormones and overall health related to this condition. Especially my high risk for developing type 2 diabetes. I used to start the year with a phrase like "I will lose 40 lbs," but I am taking a very different approach. Mentally I know the long term goal, but instead I am focusing on small goals. With how busy life has been, and the fact there is more priority available than just myself, I know this is the only way to accomplish anything. Baby steps. I don't need to feel like I've failed because I won't stage myself to do so by setting such a large goal in a scenario that doesn't cultivate the time to do it. So here it is, January goals are: 1. lose 5 lbs, 2. Exercise 3-4 times a week, and 3. Be Carb Conscious.
Now for the nervousness and sadness, it came so fast and hard just yesterday. It came with the reality that routine, and life continues after a lovely vacation of family and fun. SP will resume physical therapy outpatient, and continue seeing the Teacher through Early Intervention weekly with the addition now of speech therapy outpatient as well as speech and occupation therapy with EI. It sounds like so much. Not to
mention there are a few things that SP needs to work on that has this mama concerned. I still have a lot of questions unanswered. I won't visit that right now. Some things I will continue to keep to myself, and to God.
Just so I can be honest, I continue to struggle with prayer, and gratitude. Bringing every moment before His throne. I am so stubborn, and straight up frustrated. And I know it in my mind that regardless of how I feel, prayer is the answer. Jesus is the answer. Why am I so stubborn? I have never felt my faith challenged so much. So much refinement, and discovery.
I have been reading "1,000 Gifts" by Ann Voskamp, and her dare to acknowledge 1,000 gifts to practice Thanksgiving has been working on me though. And just today I printed out her monthly printouts for this dare. You can get it here if you like: https://s3.amazonaws.com/a.voskamp/BlogFiles/JoyDareCollectionFinalRevision.pdf I need to push past the big scary "what ifs" and painful moments, and recognize God in the little things I am blessed with. I don't want to be blind to His goodness. So I am working it out to give this a try.
Going to go cuddle my little Sweet Pea now. So til another time. :)
