Finally time to think and breathe. I love Christmas time because it is a deep reminder of my Savior Jesus' birth, but...yep the but...it gets so busy and rushed. And yesterday I felt like the days were twirling into each other. I love being with family, and having my husband home for days with no work yet I miss routine very much too. It is funny to say that because I get bored of it too at times. However, at the very core of me, I definitely thrive on it too.
2014 started with mixed emotions. Excitement and determination as I set mini goals for health in January. And nervousness and sadness at the things that may come.
After the holiday treats that somehow were at my reach, I am ready to lose weight. It sounds like cliche, but it is what is. I have weight that is almost 2 years old. 9 lbs left over from when Sweet Pea was born, plus an additional 9 lbs on top of that, and weight from before the pregnancy. So 38 lbs just has to come off. When I take the time to pay attention, I just don't feel good. And with the knowledge of knowing I have PCOS, weight loss is the one vital thing I can do for my hormones and overall health related to this condition. Especially my high risk for developing type 2 diabetes. I used to start the year with a phrase like "I will lose 40 lbs," but I am taking a very different approach. Mentally I know the long term goal, but instead I am focusing on small goals. With how busy life has been, and the fact there is more priority available than just myself, I know this is the only way to accomplish anything. Baby steps. I don't need to feel like I've failed because I won't stage myself to do so by setting such a large goal in a scenario that doesn't cultivate the time to do it. So here it is, January goals are: 1. lose 5 lbs, 2. Exercise 3-4 times a week, and 3. Be Carb Conscious.
Now for the nervousness and sadness, it came so fast and hard just yesterday. It came with the reality that routine, and life continues after a lovely vacation of family and fun. SP will resume physical therapy outpatient, and continue seeing the Teacher through Early Intervention weekly with the addition now of speech therapy outpatient as well as speech and occupation therapy with EI. It sounds like so much. Not to
mention there are a few things that SP needs to work on that has this mama concerned. I still have a lot of questions unanswered. I won't visit that right now. Some things I will continue to keep to myself, and to God.
Just so I can be honest, I continue to struggle with prayer, and gratitude. Bringing every moment before His throne. I am so stubborn, and straight up frustrated. And I know it in my mind that regardless of how I feel, prayer is the answer. Jesus is the answer. Why am I so stubborn? I have never felt my faith challenged so much. So much refinement, and discovery.
I have been reading "1,000 Gifts" by Ann Voskamp, and her dare to acknowledge 1,000 gifts to practice Thanksgiving has been working on me though. And just today I printed out her monthly printouts for this dare. You can get it here if you like: https://s3.amazonaws.com/a.voskamp/BlogFiles/JoyDareCollectionFinalRevision.pdf I need to push past the big scary "what ifs" and painful moments, and recognize God in the little things I am blessed with. I don't want to be blind to His goodness. So I am working it out to give this a try.
Going to go cuddle my little Sweet Pea now. So til another time. :)
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Walking, then everything else?
So this post is long overdue. Should've have been typed up and published back on Friday. After a very positive appointment with Sweet Pea's developmental teacher, I reflected on my last point on "Low Point Days." I had mentioned that by trusting in the Lord, the week was only to get better. God holds fast to that promise.
SP has been walking now for about 2 months now. She continues everyday to improve. And with walking finally accomplished, it is like a little switch went off. She is slowly emerging into a little social butterfly. SP is so interested in everything we do. Following me around everywhere in our apartment, communicating more her needs to us, and being a cuddle bug. Social play such as the game roll the ball has small improvements. It was so uplifting!
I thought about why? Like putting words to her actions. "I didn't have time for anything else while I studied walking, but now I have time for everything else." ha ha ha. I don't know. I just know she continues to blossom, and I just embrace it all with cheers!
This post is short. But leaving it with the message that prayer really brings renewed hope. I have hope. This mama has great hope!
- An Anderson Mom
SP has been walking now for about 2 months now. She continues everyday to improve. And with walking finally accomplished, it is like a little switch went off. She is slowly emerging into a little social butterfly. SP is so interested in everything we do. Following me around everywhere in our apartment, communicating more her needs to us, and being a cuddle bug. Social play such as the game roll the ball has small improvements. It was so uplifting!
I thought about why? Like putting words to her actions. "I didn't have time for anything else while I studied walking, but now I have time for everything else." ha ha ha. I don't know. I just know she continues to blossom, and I just embrace it all with cheers!
This post is short. But leaving it with the message that prayer really brings renewed hope. I have hope. This mama has great hope!
- An Anderson Mom
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Low Point Days
What is it about this week? No energy. No motivation. Ups and downs. Sad. Happy. Then Sad. TIRED. Low point days. Days of "I don't know what is wrong with me." The response I say to my husband. But the truth is, I know what is wrong. It just takes a few steps to get through the thick fog of stubbornness to realize I am sitting in a pit when I should be standing on a rock. I will go through other excuses first such as saying the weekly routine has been thrown off somewhere or sometimes I will blame it on my female hormones. And sure, those reasons might have some effect, but it isn't ever the solution. It is Jesus. The solution is always Jesus. What is wrong with me? My problem is me trying to be self sufficient when Jesus clearly told me that I didn't need to be in Matthew 11, verses 28-30 to be exact.
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
The low point days come when I have gone days without praying, and not being in the word. They come when I let sin rule my heart. Finally when I let the fog I mentioned earlier clear out, I took the time to dig into God's word while Sweet Pea napped. God has been whispering the whole time to me through all the hardships of being a wife and mom...but He speaks when you read his word. I was sitting in a pit because I dropped everything that protects me. I stopped paying attention to the maintenance of God's armor, and I left myself open for infliction from the enemy.
11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
I have to chuckle right now as I read "with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one." It is true, God really does use our everyday experiences to drive home his message, and purpose. Not more than an hour after reading Ephesians 6 did I put out a little fire in my oven. Yes, a little fire. It scared me, and for a few moments I was extremely upset about it. And then the Spirit nudged me, and reminded me of what I read. And I smiled. In that moment. I chose to be thankful. I put that fire out, and really it could have been so much worse. I looked around... I am blessed. Sure, life is going to hard, but I am not doing it alone. I have a wonderful caring husband, but even more I have a God who can relate. Jesus has dealt with every single emotion and sin just as I have...but he did it perfectly. The best part of that message is that He is on my team, all I have to do is continually invite Him into every moment of my days. We got this!
This week is only going to get better. I can rejoice. I am not alone, so today I am going to stop DOING everything alone, and pray.
-An Anderson Mom
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
The low point days come when I have gone days without praying, and not being in the word. They come when I let sin rule my heart. Finally when I let the fog I mentioned earlier clear out, I took the time to dig into God's word while Sweet Pea napped. God has been whispering the whole time to me through all the hardships of being a wife and mom...but He speaks when you read his word. I was sitting in a pit because I dropped everything that protects me. I stopped paying attention to the maintenance of God's armor, and I left myself open for infliction from the enemy.
11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
I have to chuckle right now as I read "with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one." It is true, God really does use our everyday experiences to drive home his message, and purpose. Not more than an hour after reading Ephesians 6 did I put out a little fire in my oven. Yes, a little fire. It scared me, and for a few moments I was extremely upset about it. And then the Spirit nudged me, and reminded me of what I read. And I smiled. In that moment. I chose to be thankful. I put that fire out, and really it could have been so much worse. I looked around... I am blessed. Sure, life is going to hard, but I am not doing it alone. I have a wonderful caring husband, but even more I have a God who can relate. Jesus has dealt with every single emotion and sin just as I have...but he did it perfectly. The best part of that message is that He is on my team, all I have to do is continually invite Him into every moment of my days. We got this!
This week is only going to get better. I can rejoice. I am not alone, so today I am going to stop DOING everything alone, and pray.
-An Anderson Mom
Monday, December 9, 2013
Idealism crushed...
The idea of making a blog has been one since earlier this year. Originally it was to be about daily walk of being a wife and mother. But that idea has become so much more. God had some very special plans for my life as a mom to my very sweet little girl. I will call her Sweet Pea (SP for short) for her sake of privacy, and mine. We have wondered up the path that is what society would say isn't typical. Our journey consists of seeing a Pediatrics Neurologist, Physical therapy, and soon to be Speech Therapy, and Occupational Therapy. Because SP is GDD (Globally Developmentally Delayed) and Hyptonia (Low Muscle Tone), we are walking a journey that is not only physically and mentally challenging for SP, but emotionally challenging for her father and I. But Psalm 139, states that God knitted us all in the womb. And so I believe that this is God's special plan for our lives, whatever that may be, and that He is working out something grand. I had an easy picture in my head of how motherhood would be while pregnant as silly as it sounds. Just like some have idealistic dreams about marriage crushed, I have had dreams of a idealistic view of myself as a mom. I am working it out with God, swimming daily through his grace. This is what this blog is about. Being public about my struggles as well as the joy of happy moments in hopes that it brings support to someone who may need it just as I have. God is stretching me, and refining me in this journey as much as He is molding SP. I hope to be able to reflect on that here.
-An Anderson Mom
-An Anderson Mom
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